>I received this from an anonymous commenter on this post:
“I have a comment on your complaint that not enough of your wedding party have sent gifts. It is very expensive to be in a wedding-especially a destination wedding at a resort. Added to the other expenses-shower gifts, dresses,parties etc. that are required, I think that you expect lot from your friends who may be on a budget. Perhaps you should focus on the fact that so many of your close friends made the financial commitment to share this special time with you and focus a little less on receipt counting. The pleasure of having your friends share your wedding should be much more important to you than how many gifts you receive.”
This commenter of course does have a good point to make, but I have mine to make as well. I think that my family and I were very generous toward the wedding party throughout the planning process. We did not have an engagement party. I had just one bridal shower (unlike the Southern tradition of having SEVERAL). Two out of five bridesmaids attended that shower and gave gifts, and one other who could not attend sent a gift. I had an informal lingerie shower the night before the wedding, and four out of five bridesmaids were there and gave me some really awesome gifts.
The costs for my bridesmaids were:
1) The dress, which ranged in price from $120-$150 depending on where it was bought.
2) Alterations for their dress.
3) Travel to and from the resort.
My family graciously paid in full for accommodations for 2 nights for my bridesmaids, and my mom also paid for the bridesmaids’ sandals and manis/pedis. And of course their meals were provided during the rehearsal dinner and the wedding day. So honestly I don’t think the expenses were that outlandish for my bridal party. Beside the fact that most of them got me a gift anyway.
The costs for the groomsmen were:
1) Their shirts, which were $20 apiece.
2) Khaki pants if they did not already have the correct shade of khaki.
3) Travel to and from the resort.
4) My family paid for a portion of their accommodations, and the groomsmen each paid another portion since they stayed in the NICEST penthouse on the property…it was much more expensive than the bridesmaids’ condo.
The groomsmen received Rainbow sandals as part of their gift for serving in the wedding party and they wore those for the wedding. And only the best man got us a gift — and an extremely generous gift at that.
Blueprint Bliss wrote this comment on the last post: I do think the non-gift giving is rampant these days with people under the age of approx 25. Both girls and guys are bad about it… I’ve seen that some people give a shower gift (bridal shower) and count it as their wedding gift… guys just don’t buy gifts.
And I really have to agree with this…single guys and those still in college just don’t give gifts. As for the wedding party, it’s not like I was ever expecting for each of them to buy us a china place setting or anything like that. But I did make sure to load up our registries with several gifts at price points below $50. I myself can’t give gifts over that amount because I work as a Web journalist and I’m certainly not made of money. And I don’t expect my friends, especially those in the wedding party, to be made of money either.
But really, the wedding party is just cracking the surface of the non-gift giving. I failed to mention this before, but there are family members who did not give us wedding gifts. And like I mentioned before, there are married couples that I either attended their wedding or sent them a gift, and we have yet to receive anything from any of those couples.
I don’t mean to assume anyone’s financial situation. But not receiving gifts, let alone an RSVP, from family and from friends who I once considered to be close is very disconcerting and it makes me feel as if I’ve been FORGOTTEN. Maybe this is because I’m an emotional person, or maybe it’s because I’ve always gotten a lot of pleasure out of picking out gifts for my friends and family.
Believe me, I know that once you hit your mid-20s and start getting those Save the Dates and wedding invites in the mail that the cost can really add up. I’ve already attended 2 other weddings this year, sent 1 gift and will buy 2 more this weekend. Then there are 2 more couples that I need to give gifts to later on this year. And 4 out of 5 of my bridesmaids are still single, and I fully expect to invest as much in their weddings as they invested in mine, both time and money-wise, because they are my 3 closest friends and my sister-in-law.
What this really boils down to is The Golden Rule: Do to others what you would like to be done to you. It’s about reciprocity and mutual respect.